Yes, I am back again, just like the annoying neighbor you hope will go away, but ya’ll are too nice to tell me to shut up!
I just was looking at my stats on this thing, and oh my God! I’ve had 403 people to my little corner of the world here. People, you really need to leave me comments! Please….?
Ok, onto todays subject.
I am not sure how this turned into talking about my in-laws, but it has. Maybe it’s because I am so very lucky to have the best in-laws in the world. I can’t say enough about them.
Today, the one I will talk about will be a little difficult, only because even though he has been a part of my family longer than all the rest, it has taken me the longest to get to know him. I blame myself for this, because I was afraid of him, like none of the others. That was wrong,
My first baby, Heather, was born in 1974. She met him in 1990, I believe. She was 15! Too young! Way too young! Ya know something? The first time I met him, I remember thinking that he was different than the other ones she had brought home. Not that at 15, she had been bringing lots of boys home. Lets get that straight now. But you would have to know Heather to understand this part. She has been like a flame to the moths. I have seen so many people just be drawn to her – they can’t help themselves. She has that kind of a personality. She did even as a baby – complete strangers would walk up to me when she was a child, and tell me things like they saw her face across the store, or the dr’s office, (wherever we were), and they just had to come see her, talk to her, admire her! I used to get told all the time how amazingly pretty she was, and she was. She still is, believe me! So it really didn’t surprise me when the boys started following her home! I didn’t like it – oh hell no! But I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop it. And I couldn’t. They flocked to her like the moths to the flame! ( or the bug zapper!)
This last moth, or bug, whichever you prefer, decided he wasn’t gonna go away. He stayed right around the edges of her flame, never getting burned, but unable to leave. I know thats what it was now. He was unable to leave. I can’t blame him – look at her! I call him a bug or a moth, but truly, he was like a catapillar, slow and steady he kept at it. Never being deterred, never allowing anyone to change his mind, not even her. Little did I know the magnificent butterfly within, that would spread his wings to encompass her, protect her, provide for her. Had I known then what I know now, I would have probably tried to bribe him to stay….LOL!
Eric and Heather werre married in 1994, and have been together ever since. 14 years! Wow, am I proud? You bet I am. I want to state this here and now…..Eric, I have always been proud of you, and happy that Heather married you. I want you to believe that, if you never believe anything else I tell you, OK?
Maybe some of the problems we had were because we were all so young. I was 31, or 32 when he came into our lives. That’s very young to be dealing with a daughters boyfriend, let me tell you! And I was also struggling with the whole “She will not be like me!” thing, not realizing it was totally out of my control. He truly scared me, because I knew he was different, and I had a gut feeling about him even then. I never let myself verbalize it, I was too afraid to. So I think I started tryin to hold on to her tighter. What happens when we try to hold our almost adult children closer to us? Yup. You guessed it. She pulled away and ran from me. If you’ve never had a child run from you – and I mean literally – you can’t understand the fear, the pain, the terrible anguish a parent goes through. I was out of my mind.
Several times in my life, I have blank spots where there should be memories. This is one. I remember bits and pieces. Not all of it I know. My mind does this thing where I just blank out the worst of the memory. I don’t know why. I think maybe its because God knows I went a little crazy. You watch those TV shows where they talk about temporary insanity? I believe in it! I have been there and done that.
Of the bits and pieces I do remember, one of them is Eric. I remember him coming to our door, and being just as scared as I was, wanting to know if we had found her, any clues as to where she was? Did I want his help? It’s a good thing I said yes, cuz he would have been there anyway. But I did want his help, I NEEDED his help! My memory of this time is a little screwed up, I’m sure, and if I get some of this wrong, I’m sorry. I re-tell it the way I remember it.
Anyway, we found her. I think it was 12 days later. Longest 12 days of my life!! She was so angry with me. I don’t remember why. It doesn’t matter. We found her. That was all that mattered.
Eric never wavered. Stayed right through everything. Poor guy!!
Then in ‘92 I think it was, her dad received a job offer that we were so happy about. But there was a catch. We had to move – a long way away. From Denver to Atlanta, Ga. Oh man, was I scared. She was a senior in high school, with like 4 months to go til she graduated. I could not take her away from her school, her friends, and most of all, Eric. If I had insisted that she go with us, she wouldn’t have been able to stop it. All I could think of was how I would have felt in her shoes, and I knew I had to think of her needs not my own. I swear, the only person who truly understood what I was going thru at that time was my best friend, Pepi. She had been my best friend for ever, and her children had grown up with my children. I had grown up with her husband, and it just seemed natural that I give her my first born. I would never have trusted her with anyone else. Do not try this at home! You have no idea how hard this was. No one but Pepi will ever know the complete and total anguish I went through. But Eric made me a promise that last night at Pepi’s. He promised me he would take care of my precious girl. He was good on his word. Between him and the Schlingman’s, they protected my daughter, and kept her safe for me. I know she thought that Bob and Pepi were a little smothering, but that’s why I wanted them to do this. Pepi felt like I did about my children. 
We came back for her graduation. Eric is right there with her. She came to stay with us in Atlanta for Christmas. Eric wasn’t there, but I knew he was back home waiting for her.
Then they were engaged. EXCUSE ME??? Oh hell yeah, they were planning a wedding. Ok, well now I know this one is NEVER going away. See? My gut instincts are accurate!
But I have to admit, this man brought about a change in my daughter that I never would have believed possible. His influence in her life has been nothing short of miraculous. She is the woman she is today, as much because of him as anything else. Not only did he bring her to God, he ultimately brought her back to me.
We have talked about the growing pains that we all go through on our journey to who we are meant to become. This was part of her journey. (and mine!) There is very little in this life that is as hard as letting your babies go and letting them do things on their own. In knowing that if they need your help, they will ask, and if they don’t, it’s because you have raised them right. They never asked me for anything. Nothing. They didn’t need my help starting their life, not with their wedding, not with their first apartment, not a thing. How proud of them was I? Oh my God!
Since that wedding, in August of ‘94, she has become an amazing woman, and he has been right there through everthing with her. Their first child, Hannah, was born in ‘99, and their second daughter, little Emily, in ‘02. Both are so much like their mother – and I am SOOOO PROUD of them. And their parents. Eric is a fantastic father, a wonderful husband to my daughter, he has his own business now, and I know my daughter and their children will never want for anything! She is doing all the things that I wanted her to do, and she is doing them all on her own. Just the way I taught her.
I know she would not be the woman she is today if not for my wonderful son-in-law. I will be the first to admit that I felt as if he were stealing her from me at the time. I didn’t like him much for that. I know now that my feelings stemmed from the fear of letting go. I had fought so very hard for her in the beginning, and then all of a sudden she was gone – not mine anymore. (She still was, I know this now, but then…?) I had more growing up to do, and he proved that to me. He made me grow up! So he has molded and shaped us both to some extent.
Eric, for all the problems we had to begin with, please understand that it truly wasn’t personal. I would have felt that way about any man in her life! It just happened to be you. I remember you telling me how you felt at the time that you were her prince Charming, and she was your Cinderella, and you had to free her from the evil, wicked mother. Good think I wasn’t a step-mom! LOL There is a song that is current on the country music charts right now, called “Stealing Cinderella,” by Chuck Wickes, and everytime I hear it, I think of you and her. I know things have changed now and you don’t feel the same way about me that you used to, and I have also changed. I am so happy for that. I do love you, Eric. I wouldn’t trade you for anyone, and you need to know that. You are as important to this family as anyone else is, and I thank God for you every day!
Eric and I sat down and wiped the slate clean a couple of years ago. This was a shocker for me, because I had no idea that he felt the way he did. It was so wonderful to know that he felt that way. If you have read any of my words on this site, you know how important it is to me to be important to my children and thier families. Including their spouses. Especially their spouses. I never felt that I had made a good impression on Eric. I wanted very much to change this with him, and to be closer to him. I didn’t know how. I felt pushed away, excluded, not wanted or welcomed in his life or his family. I felt I had let them both down somehow, and this broke my heart, and widened the gulf between me and Heather. I knew pushing my way in was not the way to do it. So I waited, mostly because I didn’t know what to do, not realizing that it wasn’t my place to do anything. I had to wait for him to be ready. I had to wait for THEM to be ready. It was worth the wait, let me tell you.
I have learned so much about Eric in the last couple of years, and I am very happy and proud to call him my son-in-law. Thank you for loving my daughter, for being who you are and fighting for what you wanted. I knew when she was little there was someone very special out there waiting for her. I’m glad it was you!
I love you, Eric Weiland. I hope you are happier with me now than you were years ago. I know that I am much happier now, and I owe that in part to you!
