Well, here I am back again! I just keep turning up, like a bad penny! LOL
Things in my life are on the move again. It seems like God never lets me rest. lol and yet here I was complaining not too long ago that He wasn’t doing anything. He was, just as I always knew He was, just in HIS time frame, not mine.
Alan and Marty are long gone, and good riddance. As much as what they did hurt, now I am just as happy that I have God on my side, and He has seen fit to protect me from myself, yet again, and keep me looking. In December I did something that I swore I wasn’t gonna do anymore. I got on another damn dating website. Only, after Match, I was thinking that I was looking for the right guy in the wrong places. So I sat down one night, made a list of the things that were important to me, and that I refused to do without again. Top of that list was God. I spent far too much of my life without God in it, and he wasn’t present in my marriages either. So God was/is my top priority in a new relationship. Then the rest of that list was just like it always has been; Honesty, compassion, loyalty, fidelity, etc. Those of you who know me can fill in the rest of the blanks.
Once I had this in place, then I’m thinking, where to look? I sorta scanned the general dating websites and didn’t like what I saw, and I’m not paying for E-Harmony. So I stopped looking. ShawnDe had been telling me for a while – “Give it to God – let him handle it.” So I had really been trying since November to do just that. Leave it in Gods’ hands. When I caught myself looking at dating sites again, I just told myself no! you’re NOT doing this.
Well, now this is the weird part. For like a week straight, I kept seeing this link come up on my email page for ChristianMingle.com. I had never heard of the site, and it wasn’t in my google search I did. I went into it twice, just kinda looking. Then I asked God point blank – “is this what you want me to do?” The silly link kept showing up on my email home page, instead of the ‘Lose 300 lbs in 3 days’ or ‘Let us fix your taxes’ or ‘get all 3 credit scores for free’. So I thought ok, I’ll go look. I kinda did a general search to see who was out there. Nothing that was really note worthy. But as any good website would do, it tells me, “set up your profile so we can match you better!” I laughed, but I did it.
Then I forgot about it for like 3 weeks or so. I finally got a hit, a guy from Nevada I think. Oh Boy! Then for some reason I still cannot explain, I paid for a membership. only 3 mos, but still……… Am I a glutton for punishment or what? Then I let it go.
Like 3 days later, I get a hit from this guy in Montrose. Well, Montrose isn’t that far away – not like Utah, or Nevada, or Florida. So I think ok, I’ll check him out.
WOW!! The first picture he had on there was such a strikingly good picture, I was enthralled with it. I couldn’t quit looking at it! I know that sounds funny, but its true! I read his whole profile, front to back. I’ve never done that before. Then I read it again. I would have bet money that this guy wasn’t for real. So much so, I sent him a smile. He smiled back! Then I read his profile again, and there was this little thing on the page asking ‘Do you think you match?” I said yes. I think it was like the next day, I get something from the site that says he said yes too. Ok, now what? lol
So we started talking in email. He said the sweetest stuff, and complimented me. He said I sounded excited, and that made him smile. I was excited!! There was something about his guy!
His profile name is Painted Star. l cannot explain this either, but I just had a feeling that this name was significant. I still haven’t asked him what thats all about. I want to, I just keep forgetting. But from his first email, I was excited! I was checking my email every day to see if he had answered me. I sent him two more, just to make sure he knew I was interested. LOL
We made one date, a week ago Sunday, and it didn’t quite work out. But then he asked me if he could see me on Tuesday. I said yes. We met for dinner, and I swear to you, it was like I had known this man all my life. It was the weirdest thing.
On first dates or blind dates, there is always pauses, awkward silences, where you don’t know what to do or say. We never had one. All night. When the restaurant was closing down, we stood outside, in the parking lot, next to my car, and talked for another hour! I didn’t want to leave! He didn’t either, I could tell.
Since then we have had 2 more dates, one of them was at church, and spent hours on the phone. He is a huge animal lover, particularly horses, he is into anything Native American, as am I. And his spirit guide is a black wolf! Mine is a grey wolf!
If there is such a thing as a soul mate, and I believe there is….. I believe he may just be mine. Matter of fact, I am sure of it. ( I can hear you all laffing!) I know that when my kids find this out, they will probably pooh-pooh it, and my brother will give me a world of crap – just like I gave him over Cherie. But this man is amazing!
His name is Rick Hawks, and he is an absolutly wonderful man. I cannot believe that someone so like me is out there. But he is and he is here. In my world.
In less than a week after meeting him, he has met my family, and tenatively been ‘approved.’ Pepi likes him well enough that she has told me if I would like to invite him over for dinner, feel free. I think I would like to do that. I would like for him to be comfortable around my family. Bob and Pepi certainly are family.
Now I know what you are all thinking…….. ‘Whoa Mom! Slow down a bit!’ But what ya’ll don’t understand is, this feels more right than anything else has in years! Sometimes I think that it’s moving waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy too damn fast, and other times I wish it would hurry up and catch up with us.
I talked to God again tonight, and asked for His guidance. I want to do this His way. Every other relationship I’ve had has not had Him in it, and I want Him in this one. Rick agrees with me. Boy! There’s a first for me! I can see what I am certain is comimg, and I think it will be quick and it will shock my family. Hell, it’s gonna shock me. Maybe. But I do not want to rush this, or get caught up in a whirlwind of emotion and reaction, that I cannot control. That WE cannot control. This relationship will be a partnership unlike anything I have ever had or experienced, and I want it to be that way. But I want it to be the way God wants it to be more. I left this in His hands to find him, and I intend to leave it in His hands to keep him as well.
We have made plans already, for things we would like to do. Things we intend to do. I feel it in my soul that this man is for real. He is not a player like all the others. He is God sent. I beleive that. I am thankful for that. My prayers have been answered. Thank you Lord, for the one you have sent. Thank you for blessing me yet again. Me, your humble unworthy servant. Amen.
