It sounds to me like you’re feeling defeated, afraid, overwhelmed, and very depressed. From what I just read, it seems there’s a lot going on in your life; having so much to deal with all at the same time can feel pretty overwhelming, I know. Been there, done that…

If you don’t mind hearing this from a total stranger, if you haven’t already done this, perhaps you could try the following:

1. Write out a list of absolute priorities

2. With each priority, make a list of what you can do to help yourself, what you have already done, and what other possible avenues may be open to you (like moving in with your daughter, for example)

3. To help you combat the depression, start a list of all your accomplishments – from learning how to walk, to getting out of bed in the morning. I’ve done this, and believe me, it’s like a magic pill that picks me up and carries me all through the day, no matter how big the obstacles and challenges are that I have to face.

I don’t know you at all, and I certainly don’t know your story, but I believe you’re a strong and courageous woman, and that if you can just get a little help, you will get through all of these challenges.

I read and cry. It’s a hard thing to walk this earth and not blow it. There is only 1 way to find freedom from our personal regrets and disappointments from our many mistakes, and that is to embrace the 1 who forgave us first. There is only 1 who can forgive us–Jesus Christ. and if HE can forgive us, why then do we so cling to our self condemmation? We have to first see that we NEED His forgiveness, and know He is the only way to the path of freedom. He knows not just the things we’ve done, but the things we DIDN’T DO, but thought about doing~Yet, He is willing to give forgiveness to all who seek him, all who cry out.

This is the only way I can ever see freedom for myself from the many things I’ve done. I am condemned. Yet, because He first loved me, I can find forgiveness in HIM! And–if He is willing for forgive me, the unforgiveable, who am I to withold forgiveness from another?

This is the path that lead me to restoration with you, mom. I’m no better, no worse, than you. We are equal in the eyes of God. Both God’s kids, both human, both full of sin. But He beckons us, to His son, to His cross, to each other, to peace. It’s really quite amazing, and beautiful.

I’m thankful. I love you.
Heather

My baby girl! Sometimes I wonder who is the parent and who is the child here? I think I will never ever fail to be amazed by you, that you are mine, because you continually teach me so many things. You are a far better parent than I ever thought of being, and where that came from I do not know. You certainly didn’t have the best example in me. You see one of my most painful and emotionally wrenching times in my life, from my point of view, ( a way I am sure you never saw it before), and you show me in just a few sentences how to let go of so much. I so wish I had known this then. But you are right. I know all the condemnation I held onto was wrong, and you are right, all I needed was Jesus in my life then, and I didn’t let him carry me. It would have been so much easier on me and everyone around me if I had. But I know now, and I really do believe that is why I am wethering my latest crisis as well as I am. I gave it up to God a week ago, and while I still hurt, it is bearable. He is helping me in so many ways. I wish I had let him then.
Once again, the parent becomes the student, and the ‘child’ the teacher. Thank you. I love you too baby.
Mom

You know, I see similarities between you and Hannah here. Interesting!

I could write alot about this post, but it’s kinda late and I need to wrap up my night. I didn’t even know this post existed, but now that I’ve found it, I really do hope you’ll update it. Keep it going….

**Funny sidenote–I thought that Great Grandma & Grandpa were from Cook County Ireland, but I bet I got that wrong, They were from Ireland, but it was YOU that was born at Cook County Hospital in IL…That’s funny~

It’s really amazing how a person’s perspective changes as you grow older. I’m glad for that.

Love ya,
me

Good read! Thank you!

Thanks for reading and commenting.